You Decide Who Gets To Spend Time With You

We’ve all had friends who bore us to pieces yet we manage to shake our heads pretending interest as they continue to fill our time and our space with meaningless information about something we have absolutely no interest in.  Ugh.  There comes a time when we each can draw the line and decide to only spend time with people who are talking about things that leave us feeling enhanced in some way or are interesting and leave us feeling connected and understood.

I remember a concept that I heard in a workshop more than thirty years ago that really helped me at the time and still does.   It’s that there are basically two kinds of people in the world.  The one’s who when you’re with them leave you feeling recognized and energized in some way or the ones who when you’re with them leave you feeling drained or just plain  flat.  Let’s give them a number.  Any number will do, but for the fun of it we’ll say the people you’re spending time with are either 226’s or 927’s.  There is no in between.  They either enhance your life in some way, or they are taking up time and space.  Do you really want to hear about someone else’s Aunt Suzie’s uncle who lived in Timbuktu and grew pineapples until his son’s wife left him?  I didn’t think so.  I know I’m not interested in listening to a bunch of dialogue that has nothing to do with anything or worse yet is a complete downer.

There was a time in my life, when I was kicking a drug habit actually, that I said to myself…   I’d rather be alone than spend time with a 226.  It really put into focus the affect that other people had on my life.  For my own well being at the time, I had to draw a line and I did. And I have ever since.  It’s not that I wanted to just raise the bar for the kinds of friendships I had, it’s that I wanted to raise the bar for the kinds of conversations I’d be a part of.

You of course, have free will and make the decisions for yourself who gets to spend time with you and take up your space. The pickier you are about who gets to spend time with you, the more happy you’ll be in the moments you’re with them.  I realize this means some of you might have to clean house, to let go of what’s not working and wean yourself from some of the people in your life who are just a drag, but taking steps to clean up your space and be around positive people pays off in more ways than you can measure!

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