Who the F*ck do I think I am? And who the F*ck are You?

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I am the only me I can possibly be.

I have a wisdom that you cannot see.

I turn around to find others following me.

All the time.

So who do I think I am? I Know. I am a pioneer. I know I am a link to a certain intelligence that’s hidden from view. I know that my years of experience living life on the edge has trained me in balance, I know that I have the right to be happy whether you’re happy with me or not. I know I have outgrown apologizing for who I am, what I chose to do, or when I choose to say FUCK. I am me. I don’t own a bra. I love God. God loves me. And I say fuck, A LOT. Stuff shows up in my head that I have no way of knowing.  So what. It’s been that way my whole life.   There are so many people that know so much more than I do, but there is no one who knows me, better than me. I’ve made ME, my life’s purpose. Which brings me to you… Knowing you – The side benefit of me getting to know me.

Who the fuck are You?   And how can I help you to have less shitty days?  How can you help yourself?  How can you let your inner conversations be meaningful in the realm of creating a day or two or a hundred or three hundred that fucking ROCK on so many levels? Everything starts with a conversation – your conversation. The ones you have with yourself will shape what shows up next. Get it? You play the biggest role in creating what shows up in your life… and what doesn’t. You want good days… get good at being you. Ask yourself… Who the fuck am I?  Then direct the conversation and be kind.  The You that you find when you go looking, just may surprise you.

Posted in Belonging, communication, Connection, Intuition, Love, Personal Development, self care, Self Help, Self Love, Self-Awareness, Transformation, WOMEN | Leave a comment

She said I was Weathered by Love

Screen Shot 2017-07-12 at 3.10.16 PMAnd it struck me, she’s right. I look in the mirror and yes; there are lines on my face. Is that what she meant? Weathered by love. Weathered by love for life maybe? Yes, absolutely. Taking risk, saying yes to crazy ideas, living life on the edge, changing my mind in a moment, pissing people off because I didn’t do it their way may have all played a role in the weathering of me. But weathered by love… sounds so romantic… I’ll take it.

I’ve been treasured by love, applauded with love, denied love, desperate for love, in love and loving… but just the sound of ‘weathered by love’ got my attention. Now instead of seeing a weathered face, I see a face that’s weathered by love.   I can live with that.

Or maybe weathered by love is all about my weathered soul. I’ve been dragged, pushed, pulled and shoved into the light just for the sake of reminding me who I am. Who we are. But who am I kidding? I wasn’t pushed every time… sometimes I jumped. I threw myself into the light, because I knew the darkness already, so well. Don’t we all? Isn’t that the point? Can we find harmony in the good and the bad, even in ourselves? Can we let our weathered hearts heal? Can we forgive our selves for all the shameful things we did while exploring the darkness?   I can. I mean, what the fuck? Why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t you? I did the best I could at the time.   And that is what got me to here… weathered by love.

Posted in Love, Personal Development, self care, Self Help, Self Love, Self-Awareness, Transformation | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Here is what the still, small voice said to me…

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Here is what the still, small voice said to me…

“Go Big”

And then came another voice… “Who do you think you are? What makes you think you can go big?”

And I knew in that moment I could crumble or I could stand firm in my Presence. And I was scared. And I am scared. Big is BIG. It’s humongous. It’s WAY bigger than your average big. The alternative seems so small. Smaller than small, tiny. Almost invisible.

Invisible.

I don’t want to be invisible.

You? What is the fun in being so tucked away inside yourself that you lose sight of any measurement of you between big and small? What is the point of having a life if not to have fun with it?   Small… did somebody say small? You’re not small.

You may be in hiding but you’re not small. You never were.

So, who do I think I am and what makes me think I can go big? Because I went small for long enough and realized that I outgrew that vision of myself. I realized that going small is ‘so yesterday’.   But most of all I realized that the vision of myself that I hold in my head and in my heart is what drives me and won’t let me play small anymore. Times up. Busted.

Gulp. Do you think it’s easy for me to write this blog and put myself out here? It’s not.   And it’s not been easy for me to look at my shadow, to go looking for the little girl in me that felt neglected and is enraged. Or to look for helpers to guide me that are worthy of my questions.   It’s not been easy for me to dig deep into my wounds…. So that I can heal…. So that I can help you heal.

And I am not alone. You are not alone. We are many. We are crying for the softness that leaves us feeling subtle within ourselves. For many, we were not born hard; we learned it as a way of survival. We hid from the voices, or at least we tried to. And then there were the voices we could never hide from, no matter how hard we tried. The ones inside our heads with mixed messages that tricked us – one minute we were good enough and the next minute we weren’t. Survival. One day we fit in and the next day we didn’t. Confusion. One day we think ‘I’ve got this’ and the next day we think ‘does anybody get me?’  Yes. Somebody gets you. I know it’s not easy, but dig… just keep digging… until you get to the gold. You are in there. And guess what? You’re BIG.

How do I know?

Because the small, still voice told me so.

Posted in communication, Connection, Go Big, Help, Listening, Love, Personal Development, self care, Self Help, Self-Awareness, Transformation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment