Then. Now. Next.

 

Broken_glassWell, Well…. What a difference a day makes. Or should I say what a difference a couple of  category 5 hurricanes make.

If you’ve ever lived and worked in a disaster zone you’ll be able to appreciate what ‘was’ while accepting what ‘is’ and creating what ‘will be’.

Looking up from shattered glass there is actually beauty in destruction. Who are we to say what’s perfect anyway?   Everything is art when it comes down to it and we all have our own perspective. Finding a healthy perspective on a daily basis when your life is suddenly sent into turmoil becomes your saving grace. For my fellow Virgin Islanders, we have to find the humor, dig for the light, depend upon each other and let go, yes…. There’s a lot of letting go in a disaster zone.

And the beat goes on. And every day in different parts of the world people are struggling and people are coping while others are sharing and caring. And it’s felt. Love is felt from across the ocean I can assure you.   Love is felt from across the room. Love is everywhere.

Not that we aren’t scarred by sudden life changes, but we are given a glimpse into our own mortality and how temporary everything is. Every Thing becomes less important and the more we try to hold on to any of it, the more we struggle.

I’m letting go of the construct of my life – it has changed. I am changing. That was then. This is now. The island I called home for over 13 years is being reincarnated as I write. Destruction has given way to a re-birth. Not only does the island have a new landscape, but everyone of us who lived here are adjusting our rear view mirrors trying to make sense of what just happened.

Life. Life happened. And the trauma of life is shaping us every minute of every day.

Let it fucking go. Fucking let it go. Bring yourself to Now.

Now What? What do you want and how are you going to get it. Where is your rebirth? Where is mine? I am crying one minute and laughing the next: With you and for you. My fragmented self is doing it’s best to find it’s way back to wholeness in a world where the ground has shaken my life to its core. Suddenly, I find myself hanging onto the one branch halfway down the cliff with only one option – to let go.

And that is my ‘Next’.

Suddenly, my ‘next ‘ is to Trust. And in order to do that I have to remind myself over and over that trusting is a good idea even though the voices in my head are saying ‘Oh Shit’.   And I have to remember that I am not alone.   (Thx God).   And that you are dealing with your own voices in your head too and that you’re hanging on to your own branch.

Let Go.

We’re in this together – and we’ve Fucking Got This!

 

 

 

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Who the F*ck do I think I am? And who the F*ck are You?

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I am the only me I can possibly be.

I have a wisdom that you cannot see.

I turn around to find others following me.

All the time.

So who do I think I am? I Know. I am a pioneer. I know I am a link to a certain intelligence that’s hidden from view. I know that my years of experience living life on the edge has trained me in balance, I know that I have the right to be happy whether you’re happy with me or not. I know I have outgrown apologizing for who I am, what I chose to do, or when I choose to say FUCK. I am me. I don’t own a bra. I love God. God loves me. And I say fuck, A LOT. Stuff shows up in my head that I have no way of knowing.  So what. It’s been that way my whole life.   There are so many people that know so much more than I do, but there is no one who knows me, better than me. I’ve made ME, my life’s purpose. Which brings me to you… Knowing you – The side benefit of me getting to know me.

Who the fuck are You?   And how can I help you to have less shitty days?  How can you help yourself?  How can you let your inner conversations be meaningful in the realm of creating a day or two or a hundred or three hundred that fucking ROCK on so many levels? Everything starts with a conversation – your conversation. The ones you have with yourself will shape what shows up next. Get it? You play the biggest role in creating what shows up in your life… and what doesn’t. You want good days… get good at being you. Ask yourself… Who the fuck am I?  Then direct the conversation and be kind.  The You that you find when you go looking, just may surprise you.

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She said I was Weathered by Love

Screen Shot 2017-07-12 at 3.10.16 PMAnd it struck me, she’s right. I look in the mirror and yes; there are lines on my face. Is that what she meant? Weathered by love. Weathered by love for life maybe? Yes, absolutely. Taking risk, saying yes to crazy ideas, living life on the edge, changing my mind in a moment, pissing people off because I didn’t do it their way may have all played a role in the weathering of me. But weathered by love… sounds so romantic… I’ll take it.

I’ve been treasured by love, applauded with love, denied love, desperate for love, in love and loving… but just the sound of ‘weathered by love’ got my attention. Now instead of seeing a weathered face, I see a face that’s weathered by love.   I can live with that.

Or maybe weathered by love is all about my weathered soul. I’ve been dragged, pushed, pulled and shoved into the light just for the sake of reminding me who I am. Who we are. But who am I kidding? I wasn’t pushed every time… sometimes I jumped. I threw myself into the light, because I knew the darkness already, so well. Don’t we all? Isn’t that the point? Can we find harmony in the good and the bad, even in ourselves? Can we let our weathered hearts heal? Can we forgive our selves for all the shameful things we did while exploring the darkness?   I can. I mean, what the fuck? Why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t you? I did the best I could at the time.   And that is what got me to here… weathered by love.

Posted in Love, Personal Development, self care, Self Help, Self Love, Self-Awareness, Transformation | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment